Are you a Ricer? What is a Ricer?
Ricers are a bunch of people who decide they are car experts after watching The Fast and the Furious, Pimp My Ride and playing Need For Speed Underground. They then try "SOUPING UP" or "PIMPING" their "RIDES".
This has no relation to making soup which probably tastes nicer than ricers (and is undeniably infinitely more useful) but there might be a connection between SOUP BOXES and the material they use for making body-kits.
(For laughs, someone should introduce ricers to the Gluhareff Pressure Jet Engine. These engines, while the most efficient type of practical jet engine so far developed, have the interesting characteristics that most are home built and that they run on propane, a remarkably volatile fuel. Taking into account the mechanical skills and common sense of the average ricer, the results should be rather entertaining from a safe distance.)
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Are you a Ricer? Take the test!!
Ricers are nothing but bad news and you should avoid meeting one at all costs. However, there is something much worse than meeting a Ricer, actually being a Ricer. To help you find out if you are a Ricer and therefore should see a physiologist or (preferably) leap of the nearest cliff, here is a handy Test:-
1. What is the best modification you can do to your Honda Civic?
a) Buy a sound system.
b) Get wheel mods’ such as spinners, chromes, or wheels that are 4 times bigger then they should be.
c) Buy a more powerful engine.
d) Sell the car, and use that money plus what you were going to spend on the modification to buy a better car.
e) Fart can.
f) buy a wing with LEDs
Answer: In this case, the most right answer is d, because there is no point in investing 12 thousand dollars in a 3 thousand dollar car, when you could just sell the car and spend 15 thousand dollars on a better car. C is the second most right answer, because it is something that will actually considerably change the performance from the 90hp POS it was. All other answers are wrong Ricer answers, with F being the worst.
2. What are the best wheels you can get?
a) Spinners.
b) Chromes.
c) Chrome spinners.
d) Wheels with only inch thick tires.
Answer: If you answered this question you are a ricer.
3. How loud should your music be when you are driving?
a) Loud enough to hear it.
b) Loud enough so people outside the car can hear it.
c) Loud enough so you can’t hear the engine.
d) Loud enough so you can’t hear people honking their horns and screaming at you to turn down the music, and then their heads explode from the deafening noise.
Answer: In a ranking from most Rice to least Rice, it goes d, c, b, a.
4. How do you know how to modify your car?
a) You are a mechanic.
b) You have seen a couple of episodes of “Pimp My Ride”.
c) You sought professional advice.
d) You have a friend who is a mechanic and guides you every step of the way.
Answer: Isn’t it obvious? Well for a Ricer no, so the Ricer answer is b.
5. Where should you race?
a) On a race track.
b) On a legally designated street circuit.
c) On an illegally designated street circuit.
d) Aimlessly hooning around your suburb not going anywhere in particular, and just causing danger/annoyance to the public.
Answer: D is 100% ricer. A and B are where real racers go, with C being where real racers will sometimes show up just to beat the crap out of Ricers.
6. Why do you put visual modifications on your car?
a) To make it look cool.
b) To make it faster.
c) So you can be in with the cool crowd.
d) Because “Need for Speed Underground” and “The Fast and the Furious” tell you too.
f) It's not all about looks! Body kit add at least 200 bhp to the car.
Answer: Another trick question, all these answers make you a Ricer.
7. How do you drift a car through a corner?
a) Enter the corner at high speed, then without slowing down, turn in such a way that the weight of the car is thrown sideways.
b) Enter the corner at high speed, and then apply the foot break to shift the center of gravity of the car to the front, and then turn to slide out the back wheels.
c) Pull on the hand break, turn and hope for the best.
d) During a corner, accelerate extra hard to spin the back wheels and slide out the back.
Answer: Another trick question as all the answers are actually right. A Ricer does not know how to drift. However, C while still being right, is the lamest way to drift.
8. When confronted by a street race you KNOW you cannot win, what do you do?
a) Race and accept defeat normally
b) You cannot lose. You have an 81 civic with 89" plastic hubcaps and a 4 foot spoiler. THATS LIKE +8000hp!
c) Cap dat foo
d) Talk about your "Mad" speed skill and attempt intimidation
Answer The only incorrect answers are B and D. A is the Ideal answer and C is acceptible.
Score: If you answered wrong on 1 or 2 of the questions, you are in immediate danger of being a ricer. If you got more then 4 wrong, please go outside and shoot yourself. If you got them all wrong, there is no need to shoot yourself, as you will be killed by a real car enthusiast in the near future.
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